I got a message today and it went something like this: Have you ever mentored anyone before?
Now, this question can go two ways.
1. Can you tell me HOW to mentor?
2. Can you mentor me?
Anyhow, my answer was candid. 'Haha! Yes and no. I never realized that I was doing it. Why?'
It was reason no. 2. This one is more intimidating. No. 1 I can always buy a book and hand it to the person. =)
I already know my response, even if it is intimidating (for me). I just wondered (and still do) if I am the right person. Someone once taught that, in mentoring, it is normally the mentor who approaches the mentee. The mentor selects. Just as Jesus selected. Now, I had long selected this one. I just thought I'd do my normal 'there, not there' (goodness, am sounding like Ivan!), 'keep an eye on' routine. Hence my 'Yes and no' answer. I do it without being accountable. Also, I thought the chemistry/affinity might be better with another leader, and not me.
And so, I've got myself an official mentee. Nope, not going to churn out a younger Melissa. Haha! That would be devastating! Trust me, it would be. =) So Lord, You gotta guide me here. So that this little one will be guided and encouraged to love and know YOU more. To be like Jesus more. To know His will. And to be faithful.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Funerals
After a few, even my own paternal grandma's, I am now confused as how one should behave in such an environment. Do you laugh? Do you put on a solemn face? What do you say to the relatives?
I remember one particular grand aunty who came to grandma's funeral saying quite distinctively 'Very sorry for you loss' without...well...without much sorrow. And farnee thing is that my late grandma was her sister! Why is she 'sorry for MY loss' when it is also very much HER loss too? I dunno lah...
Anyhow, today, I thought I'd say 'peace be with you' but when I shook the relative's hand, I just shook in silence.
Then, the farnee thing is how we all can gather at the table and talk about something totally out of the question! And then laugh.
I know we aren't supposed to be like so sad until feeling dejected and all. But I also dunno if we should be laughing at all.
However, I have noticed this. That if the deceased is above 70, and sickly, most of the time the mood is 'lighter'. These kind of funerals are expected to happen.
The ones that have sombre moods are when a life is taken 'prematurely'. I put it in inverted commas because, like it or not, their passing never catches God by surprise, nor was it out of His expectation. But these funerals are filled with so much sobbing and great ache. I am careful with my expression at these kind of funerals. Certain things are appropriate. Certain things are not.
Again, I don't know how to react, behave, express at funerals. I also need to practice on what to say, and who to talk to during these 'events'. Truth is, even though they are church members, most of them I do not know. Most of them I am not familiar with to sit down and have a decent conversation with. Ah...it's not that I am INDECENT. =) But basically, since I don't know the mood, and I don't know the people, I don't know what to say.
Most times I realize I worry too much. =) Most people don't notice me anyway. =) It's sometimes a good thing. =)
I remember one particular grand aunty who came to grandma's funeral saying quite distinctively 'Very sorry for you loss' without...well...without much sorrow. And farnee thing is that my late grandma was her sister! Why is she 'sorry for MY loss' when it is also very much HER loss too? I dunno lah...
Anyhow, today, I thought I'd say 'peace be with you' but when I shook the relative's hand, I just shook in silence.
Then, the farnee thing is how we all can gather at the table and talk about something totally out of the question! And then laugh.
I know we aren't supposed to be like so sad until feeling dejected and all. But I also dunno if we should be laughing at all.
However, I have noticed this. That if the deceased is above 70, and sickly, most of the time the mood is 'lighter'. These kind of funerals are expected to happen.
The ones that have sombre moods are when a life is taken 'prematurely'. I put it in inverted commas because, like it or not, their passing never catches God by surprise, nor was it out of His expectation. But these funerals are filled with so much sobbing and great ache. I am careful with my expression at these kind of funerals. Certain things are appropriate. Certain things are not.
Again, I don't know how to react, behave, express at funerals. I also need to practice on what to say, and who to talk to during these 'events'. Truth is, even though they are church members, most of them I do not know. Most of them I am not familiar with to sit down and have a decent conversation with. Ah...it's not that I am INDECENT. =) But basically, since I don't know the mood, and I don't know the people, I don't know what to say.
Most times I realize I worry too much. =) Most people don't notice me anyway. =) It's sometimes a good thing. =)
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Youth Camp
The beginning of December was quite busy for me as I traveled from PJ to KB and then back and then up to Gentings. I had anticipated that I would feel burnt when I reached Gentings. It did not particularly appeal to me as I really just wanted some time alone, to recuperate.
Getting me a room to myself for the first night was perhaps a wise decision made earlier by Iris. At first I thought it would be used for counselling purposes. But in the end, it was used for my own recuperating purposes so that when out with the youth, I would be more effective.
The first afternoon/evening, before the session began, I sat on the floor of the room, stared at the bible, and began to pour myself out to God. What in the world did He put me here for. For enthusiam and energy, the youth have Ivan to look up to. For direction and authority, they have Iris. For 'entertainment' they had Pastor Victor. What did they need me for?
I get up from the floor, and resolve to be useful to whomever, whenever. Here am I, Lord...what do You want me to do? Open my eyes to those You want me to touch, even if it's just one. It matters. I'll be there. Show me where to go, where to be.
After the first session, I think things go pretty smoothly, though I have my reservations about the speaker. I am minding my own business when suddenly the camp commandant urgently beckons me to come. Her tone worries me. And lo behold, the speaker is praying for one of our youth. After whispering something to her, he gets up and leaves and the 'floor' is left to me. The youth either expect me to say something or do something.
My heart breaks to hear her story.
Later on, another girl comes to talk to me. With her, I have a little less compassion. Some may think I am harsh sometimes, especially if you hear my tone. Those very experienced in counselling might be aghast at my choice of words and levelness. If you come to me for a pity party, you won't get it. I will tell to your face what I think you should do, take it or leave it. Whatever your choice, because I am your leader, I will still have to watch over you. But I am not going to pity you. I am not going to coax you gently out of it. I will declare to you who you are in Christ Jesus, and ask that your ears be closed to the devil's lies.
Later, I have a discussion with one of the leaders, whom I am trying to mentor very low profile-ly. It's a good discussion. I am surprised he opens up and shares his opinions.
First night over.
The second night...Pastor Victor invites the local leaders to minister to the youth, to 'welcome them home' with a hug. There are quite a few adult helpers around, so this is good. I look around to see if we miss anyone. I see my cousin. Sometimes, the most overlooked people are the leaders themselves. And often the musicians. I see a young adult needing a shoulder to lean on too. Later on, I see a young girl. She seems to avoid me, so I stay clear.
Later I decline to go for supper with my peers because I think I should 'be there'. I start to pack up my bag things and suddenly the girl who avoided me, barges into me, and starts to pour out her heart! Truthfully, I hardly understand what she is saying. After 1 and a half hours of wailing and crying, I learn to discern when and how to stop a counselling session.
Jojo muses that I have just been tested in all expects of pastoral care in one night.
The next night, again, another ministering time which local leaders are invited to help minister. This time we are asked to pray for them. God opened my eyes to see that He doesn't see the person, but He is God. He will come upon whom He wants, not because of the volume of the prayer or the experience of the one praying.
I also am challenged as to how to encourage my own cousin. Basically I try to tell him that no matter how great a leader you are in CF or in youth, you're still allowed to be my little cousin, whom I will take care of, and it's okay to be vulnerable for a moment. I remember him as more expressive when he was younger...but I guess they do grow up. And I recognize that though I am his cousin, I have yet to earn his trust as a friend and leader. And so, we'll build and see what happens. The next day, he gives me this aww shucks look. And I know he's okay.
Pastor prays for specific age group people, encouraging them with words of prophecy and exhortation. As I allow another girl to just lean on my shoulders, I pray that he will also encourage one of our leaders whom I feel people overlook and whom I dunno how to reach. God answers. Am glad.
Before the night ends, another young girl comes to me and asks if she can just have a chit chat with me. I start to wonder if God has engraved on my forehead 'I only look fierce, but am a softie'.
After our short heart to heart talk, the adult helpers suggest to go to McDs. Ivan drives. Sometimes, I think Ivan is like Kean Khang. He assumes the role of driver, no questions asked. In the car, the 3 guys do most of the talking. It's kind of nice not to have to make conversation. After a long day, it's just nice to be around people without having to speak.
By the end of the camp, I no longer ask why I was there. I also learn a valuable object lesson for my own life. God convicts me of my weakness and sin and reluctance to move forward. You cannot reach the mountain top if you are forever contemplating whether to take the first step.
Quite a lot of ice is broken with the youth too. Though I can't get in sync with them like Ivan does, or command them like Iris does, but as Pastor Reynold says, they need to know that you are there if they need you. So, there I'll be. (Faith Hill song?) With that 'chop' on my forehead.
I have much to learn and to equip myself in. The question was am I willing to. And if I have no passion for anything in particular, why do I not ask? There is also a pattern of heartbreak for me in camp. Of our youth and broken families. Whether it is cold silence, absent parents or even a straying spouse, many of these kids bear the brunt of it and don't have people to share with. You can't sing with all your heart 'Break my heart for what breaks Yours' and expect to come out unscathed.
I don't intend to be some hero either. The experience in camp showed me that I am inadequate. But I serve a more than adequate God. I am to seek Him with all I am, know His voice, and obey when He speaks. Never me, Always Him.
Youth Camp...my turning point. =)
Getting me a room to myself for the first night was perhaps a wise decision made earlier by Iris. At first I thought it would be used for counselling purposes. But in the end, it was used for my own recuperating purposes so that when out with the youth, I would be more effective.
The first afternoon/evening, before the session began, I sat on the floor of the room, stared at the bible, and began to pour myself out to God. What in the world did He put me here for. For enthusiam and energy, the youth have Ivan to look up to. For direction and authority, they have Iris. For 'entertainment' they had Pastor Victor. What did they need me for?
I get up from the floor, and resolve to be useful to whomever, whenever. Here am I, Lord...what do You want me to do? Open my eyes to those You want me to touch, even if it's just one. It matters. I'll be there. Show me where to go, where to be.
After the first session, I think things go pretty smoothly, though I have my reservations about the speaker. I am minding my own business when suddenly the camp commandant urgently beckons me to come. Her tone worries me. And lo behold, the speaker is praying for one of our youth. After whispering something to her, he gets up and leaves and the 'floor' is left to me. The youth either expect me to say something or do something.
My heart breaks to hear her story.
Later on, another girl comes to talk to me. With her, I have a little less compassion. Some may think I am harsh sometimes, especially if you hear my tone. Those very experienced in counselling might be aghast at my choice of words and levelness. If you come to me for a pity party, you won't get it. I will tell to your face what I think you should do, take it or leave it. Whatever your choice, because I am your leader, I will still have to watch over you. But I am not going to pity you. I am not going to coax you gently out of it. I will declare to you who you are in Christ Jesus, and ask that your ears be closed to the devil's lies.
Later, I have a discussion with one of the leaders, whom I am trying to mentor very low profile-ly. It's a good discussion. I am surprised he opens up and shares his opinions.
First night over.
The second night...Pastor Victor invites the local leaders to minister to the youth, to 'welcome them home' with a hug. There are quite a few adult helpers around, so this is good. I look around to see if we miss anyone. I see my cousin. Sometimes, the most overlooked people are the leaders themselves. And often the musicians. I see a young adult needing a shoulder to lean on too. Later on, I see a young girl. She seems to avoid me, so I stay clear.
Later I decline to go for supper with my peers because I think I should 'be there'. I start to pack up my bag things and suddenly the girl who avoided me, barges into me, and starts to pour out her heart! Truthfully, I hardly understand what she is saying. After 1 and a half hours of wailing and crying, I learn to discern when and how to stop a counselling session.
Jojo muses that I have just been tested in all expects of pastoral care in one night.
The next night, again, another ministering time which local leaders are invited to help minister. This time we are asked to pray for them. God opened my eyes to see that He doesn't see the person, but He is God. He will come upon whom He wants, not because of the volume of the prayer or the experience of the one praying.
I also am challenged as to how to encourage my own cousin. Basically I try to tell him that no matter how great a leader you are in CF or in youth, you're still allowed to be my little cousin, whom I will take care of, and it's okay to be vulnerable for a moment. I remember him as more expressive when he was younger...but I guess they do grow up. And I recognize that though I am his cousin, I have yet to earn his trust as a friend and leader. And so, we'll build and see what happens. The next day, he gives me this aww shucks look. And I know he's okay.
Pastor prays for specific age group people, encouraging them with words of prophecy and exhortation. As I allow another girl to just lean on my shoulders, I pray that he will also encourage one of our leaders whom I feel people overlook and whom I dunno how to reach. God answers. Am glad.
Before the night ends, another young girl comes to me and asks if she can just have a chit chat with me. I start to wonder if God has engraved on my forehead 'I only look fierce, but am a softie'.
After our short heart to heart talk, the adult helpers suggest to go to McDs. Ivan drives. Sometimes, I think Ivan is like Kean Khang. He assumes the role of driver, no questions asked. In the car, the 3 guys do most of the talking. It's kind of nice not to have to make conversation. After a long day, it's just nice to be around people without having to speak.
By the end of the camp, I no longer ask why I was there. I also learn a valuable object lesson for my own life. God convicts me of my weakness and sin and reluctance to move forward. You cannot reach the mountain top if you are forever contemplating whether to take the first step.
Quite a lot of ice is broken with the youth too. Though I can't get in sync with them like Ivan does, or command them like Iris does, but as Pastor Reynold says, they need to know that you are there if they need you. So, there I'll be. (Faith Hill song?) With that 'chop' on my forehead.
I have much to learn and to equip myself in. The question was am I willing to. And if I have no passion for anything in particular, why do I not ask? There is also a pattern of heartbreak for me in camp. Of our youth and broken families. Whether it is cold silence, absent parents or even a straying spouse, many of these kids bear the brunt of it and don't have people to share with. You can't sing with all your heart 'Break my heart for what breaks Yours' and expect to come out unscathed.
I don't intend to be some hero either. The experience in camp showed me that I am inadequate. But I serve a more than adequate God. I am to seek Him with all I am, know His voice, and obey when He speaks. Never me, Always Him.
Youth Camp...my turning point. =)
Saturday, November 22, 2008
VBS - Very Butt Spraining
=D
Hehe...it's TRUUUUUEEEE! Talk about a aching gluteus maximus. And I am so tired that I would say this surmounts to climbing Mt Kinabalu or exploring Gua Tempurung (extreme package).
Two days with kids is TIRING! Eyes are closing d...
I shall share with you the highlights of today:
1. Nithiya pulling my hand during lunch time saying, 'Teacher, pray for us before we eat'.
2. Juny grabbing my hand for security and comfort when the show at the Planetarium scared her.
3. Joel making funny faces with me despite me lecturing him a few times on his behavior.
4. Nithiya putting her arms around me.
5. Me scolding the kids on the mic to keep quiet and listen. I think I should reconcile myself to the fact that I will always be the headprefect, not tolerating disrespect and chaos.
6. Pastor Reynold's appearance in church after a week retreat in Lahat Datu.
7. Me catching an older boy lying about deliberately throwing rubbish on the floor of the bus, and showing my distaste for it. (Sean says I don't give face. It's getting truer and truer.)
8. Not being called auntie! haha!
I want to say that there is no loss (except for sleep and temper) in getting involved with kids. None at all. But I certainly cannot say that this is my cup of tea. I also think that it is perhaps the fact that it is not a natural thing for me that it takes me a day or two to warm up to them. Today, the faces that were most familiar were those who were most naughty, yet they are the ones who give the cheeky smiles and listen when scolded as though my words were to pull their ears.
Naughty, I can take, and I can love. Cocky...this I have an issue with and would rather stay far, far away.
I think that kids should have fun. I believe they should be allowed to run around and be crazy. I believe they should laugh and frolick. I believe they should be hugged and cuddled. I believe that many need kind words and building up.
But I also believe in discipline by being firm.
I just need to learn how to differentiate anger and frustration from being firm and in control. I still believe that something must be done to get attention and I do not think raising voice is the right way. I think I will get a whistle.
There is a time to play, and a time to learn, and a time to be still. I think we all want the same thing. It's just that the execution of the plan is interpreted differently.
Perhaps I am too much a discipline junkie. Not that I myself show great self discipline. But when in a group, I do respect rules and the leader in front, even though they do frustrate me sometimes. I remember telling Zury one time to STOP MUMBLING into the mic with his fake slang. After 3 times, still no one could get his announcement and just weren't listening anymore. If you aren't clear, there is no reason why people should listen to you.
Value their time. In the same way, we need to value the kids' time. And we need to acknowledge their right to BE kids.
I find that I cannot judge a 10 year old for being mischevious or dislike him for it. I also will not stop him from being cheeky. But I would teach him that he must not hurt others in the process and also that there is a proper time for all that cheekiness. I constantly remind myself that just because I am tired, it does not give me the right to lash out at a child no matter how naughty they are.
I also discover that a 10 year old can't really hold a grudge at you if you will humble yourself and admit you are wrong. I also discover that a child will listen to you if you do what you ask him to. We told all the kids to eat on the tarpoulin (spelling?) mat. But if we are all sitting on the carpet, ignoring them, we set a double standard. It is true that I probably will not spill my food on the carpet, but if I give him that rule, it makes a difference to him when I sit with him on the mat, even though we do not have anything to talk about (since he probably thinks I am an uptight teacher who's picking on him...). He later asked me a funny, random question about myself, which I appreciate as a peace offering.
It's the older ones I find hard to swallow. And it's pretty sad that those involved with the children ministry are all who seem to have a superiority complex, thinking themselves of more noble descent because they are hitting teens, in their teens, or can play a musical instrument. These are attitudes which I somehow hope will change in time without intervention...but I doubt it.
I find that our church youth are divided into two main groups. For the time being I will classify them as A and B:
A: Greater respect for parents, curfews, and people in authority. More humble than B. Easier to talk to, to teach. May not like but will look after kids with love. "You're okay but I prefer my clique" and "Are you trustworthy?"
B: Parents are more of older friends, allowance provider, driver. An air of superiority amongst them. Volunteer to help but more for attention purposes. "I'm better than you" and "You need to be at my level to be in my gang".
Something to that extent lah. But anyhow, this is just a observation as I spend more time with the 'OTHER' group in the youth.
Anyhow...VBS is a spring board for my observations. As I get to know some of the helpers, I also notice that first impressions can truly be deceiving. (This is why Kien should not make a conclusion of a girl based on one date! Haha!) A girl I thought to be extremely docile and mild mannered is actually VERY assertive and can be pretty demanding. You never really know people till you work with them.
I thank God for the opportunity to work with different people. I thank Him for exposing me to a different group of people in the church. I thank Him for letting me know them a bit more and perhaps the other way is true. They also know me better. Hidup Headprefect! Hahaha! I thank Him for the girls who were in my group. I thank Him for the observations. I thank Him for the wow-moments. Hearing the children sing 'This is my desire' loud loud was wow. I wonder how the Lord would have felt.
I ask that He show me where my concept of children and the ministry is wrong and flawed, especially with my lack of faith. I ask that He give me the courage to speak up about the things that are right and true too. And I ask for wisdom to know which is which.
Good night. My butt needs to rest. Hahahahahah!
Hehe...it's TRUUUUUEEEE! Talk about a aching gluteus maximus. And I am so tired that I would say this surmounts to climbing Mt Kinabalu or exploring Gua Tempurung (extreme package).
Two days with kids is TIRING! Eyes are closing d...
I shall share with you the highlights of today:
1. Nithiya pulling my hand during lunch time saying, 'Teacher, pray for us before we eat'.
2. Juny grabbing my hand for security and comfort when the show at the Planetarium scared her.
3. Joel making funny faces with me despite me lecturing him a few times on his behavior.
4. Nithiya putting her arms around me.
5. Me scolding the kids on the mic to keep quiet and listen. I think I should reconcile myself to the fact that I will always be the headprefect, not tolerating disrespect and chaos.
6. Pastor Reynold's appearance in church after a week retreat in Lahat Datu.
7. Me catching an older boy lying about deliberately throwing rubbish on the floor of the bus, and showing my distaste for it. (Sean says I don't give face. It's getting truer and truer.)
8. Not being called auntie! haha!
I want to say that there is no loss (except for sleep and temper) in getting involved with kids. None at all. But I certainly cannot say that this is my cup of tea. I also think that it is perhaps the fact that it is not a natural thing for me that it takes me a day or two to warm up to them. Today, the faces that were most familiar were those who were most naughty, yet they are the ones who give the cheeky smiles and listen when scolded as though my words were to pull their ears.
Naughty, I can take, and I can love. Cocky...this I have an issue with and would rather stay far, far away.
I think that kids should have fun. I believe they should be allowed to run around and be crazy. I believe they should laugh and frolick. I believe they should be hugged and cuddled. I believe that many need kind words and building up.
But I also believe in discipline by being firm.
I just need to learn how to differentiate anger and frustration from being firm and in control. I still believe that something must be done to get attention and I do not think raising voice is the right way. I think I will get a whistle.
There is a time to play, and a time to learn, and a time to be still. I think we all want the same thing. It's just that the execution of the plan is interpreted differently.
Perhaps I am too much a discipline junkie. Not that I myself show great self discipline. But when in a group, I do respect rules and the leader in front, even though they do frustrate me sometimes. I remember telling Zury one time to STOP MUMBLING into the mic with his fake slang. After 3 times, still no one could get his announcement and just weren't listening anymore. If you aren't clear, there is no reason why people should listen to you.
Value their time. In the same way, we need to value the kids' time. And we need to acknowledge their right to BE kids.
I find that I cannot judge a 10 year old for being mischevious or dislike him for it. I also will not stop him from being cheeky. But I would teach him that he must not hurt others in the process and also that there is a proper time for all that cheekiness. I constantly remind myself that just because I am tired, it does not give me the right to lash out at a child no matter how naughty they are.
I also discover that a 10 year old can't really hold a grudge at you if you will humble yourself and admit you are wrong. I also discover that a child will listen to you if you do what you ask him to. We told all the kids to eat on the tarpoulin (spelling?) mat. But if we are all sitting on the carpet, ignoring them, we set a double standard. It is true that I probably will not spill my food on the carpet, but if I give him that rule, it makes a difference to him when I sit with him on the mat, even though we do not have anything to talk about (since he probably thinks I am an uptight teacher who's picking on him...). He later asked me a funny, random question about myself, which I appreciate as a peace offering.
It's the older ones I find hard to swallow. And it's pretty sad that those involved with the children ministry are all who seem to have a superiority complex, thinking themselves of more noble descent because they are hitting teens, in their teens, or can play a musical instrument. These are attitudes which I somehow hope will change in time without intervention...but I doubt it.
I find that our church youth are divided into two main groups. For the time being I will classify them as A and B:
A: Greater respect for parents, curfews, and people in authority. More humble than B. Easier to talk to, to teach. May not like but will look after kids with love. "You're okay but I prefer my clique" and "Are you trustworthy?"
B: Parents are more of older friends, allowance provider, driver. An air of superiority amongst them. Volunteer to help but more for attention purposes. "I'm better than you" and "You need to be at my level to be in my gang".
Something to that extent lah. But anyhow, this is just a observation as I spend more time with the 'OTHER' group in the youth.
Anyhow...VBS is a spring board for my observations. As I get to know some of the helpers, I also notice that first impressions can truly be deceiving. (This is why Kien should not make a conclusion of a girl based on one date! Haha!) A girl I thought to be extremely docile and mild mannered is actually VERY assertive and can be pretty demanding. You never really know people till you work with them.
I thank God for the opportunity to work with different people. I thank Him for exposing me to a different group of people in the church. I thank Him for letting me know them a bit more and perhaps the other way is true. They also know me better. Hidup Headprefect! Hahaha! I thank Him for the girls who were in my group. I thank Him for the observations. I thank Him for the wow-moments. Hearing the children sing 'This is my desire' loud loud was wow. I wonder how the Lord would have felt.
I ask that He show me where my concept of children and the ministry is wrong and flawed, especially with my lack of faith. I ask that He give me the courage to speak up about the things that are right and true too. And I ask for wisdom to know which is which.
Good night. My butt needs to rest. Hahahahahah!
Friday, November 21, 2008
VBS - Very Busy Saturday
=)
VBS is actually Vacation Bible School. It's my first time being involved, so I am observing a lot.
I feel that much could be done to make it run more smoothly. Am also just wondering how Uncle Richard managed to entertain 50+ children for 7 days with Children's Holiday Club and how come we're just going to be so happy that it's over tomorrow, day 2.
Helpers
I wasn't very much involved in CHC since I was allergic to kids and kept my distance from Sunday School and Children Ministry. But I do remember people like Fern, Daniel, Jia Huey, Agnes, David, Michael Phoon, helping out...committed to help out.
We have many youth helpers but many of them seem to think they are above the rest (since they are now youth) and don't want to be involved with these 'little kids'. Not only do they not help, but some of these are so busy entertaining themselves and being 'privileged' that they actually cause the disruption in the activities. If your helpers aren't listening to you talk, fat chance your participants will.
However, I think Mi Lin is amazing with the kids! Totally salute her!
Organization
I think communication is again the downfall of this. Just take the living skills session. The person in charge asks me last minute if I would mind taking the session. I do. And I question how things are done. I ask her who is supposed to be in charge. She says she is, but she cannot co-ordinate all three age groups at the same time. Understandable. But it's not like you just found out that there are 3 age groups. So, who did you assign in the first place? She said the team leader. But she doubts he actually read the material.
I tell her that she cannot just assume such. It is not fair for the team leader to assume that he has not taken into consideration his responsibility. Has she asked him? She said that he is too busy and doesn't want to impose on him. By now she can see that I am not willing. I could, but am not willing to be the scapegoat. Let's put it this way, if there is a first time, there will be a second. I'd rather postpone my first time.
Later in the day, I am asked if I would be willing to share the gospel message with the children using a certain diagram. I think I am very blunt and many people will begin to see that I am not really that obliging. I smiled and said 'Nope.' I think he didn't know what hit him. 'WHY?' he asks. I say that I have no idea how to use the material and was not prepared. Surprisingly, he doesn't ask again. Maybe I am very clear about certain things that I will do and will not do.
I think what upsets me the most is how things are unorganized. Even in registration, if we are supposed to be at the registration desk at 7.30am, then the people in charge should be there too to instruct. Instead, we don't know who they are and when they arrive, still do not brief us on anything! Perhaps telepathy is the way to go these days? =)
Communication
This is what I was trying to say earlier too. I suppose if you want people to be able to work independently, you have to tell them what they are supposed to do, and where to get the supplies. Because I have not been around the past few days, I assume that I am the one in the dark only. But...it seems...no loh...I'm not very far off from everyone else.
I think this lack of communication is the 'scapegoat' for all especially when they can honestly 'I have no idea'. It's amazing how the helpers are supposed to help facilitate craft without fore knowledge of what the craft is and how to go about it. Perhaps this WAS communicated (but I was not informed) and just that the infomation was not retained...yet I doubt so.
My great heartache
My great heartache was to see children missing the point of singing, doing actions together, and to see them not get the point of the object lessons. My great heartache is seeing facilitators reading from script, big words about yoghurt and recycling and fermentation without the kids responding at all.
I am not sure if it's just me who thinks this way. I feel that telling kids to pray when most of them are not believers is skipping a step if we do not tell them WHY we pray and WHAT is prayer. I think that talking about worshipping God falls on rocky pathway if they aren't listening and if we are using adult songs to tell them 'This is my desire'. What is a redeemer? What is our soul?
I disagree with MANY things. But I do not proclaim to be an expert. I don't think we should tell kids about worshipping God on the first time we meet them when we can't even get them to sing a fun song with actions.
But these are all methods. And so, I do not want to argue with methodology. However, it would be good to review what we are doing with our target group of children. I think it is unfair to spend 10 minutes giving instructions in Mandarin when there are Indian and Myanmarese children who don't know what is going on when we speak in Mandarin. Even the HELPERS don't know what is going on!
If the kids don't want to come again, I can't blame them. When Joel didn't want to sit down in a group to join the activities, I can't blame him. I didn't like it, but I just can't blame him. I, as a helper, didn't know what was going on, and there was no obviousity of who was in charge. Even as a helper, I don't know who is my head!
So, my heartache is that the message is lost. The deeper meaning of everything that was prepared is lost.
Will there be a next time?
I remember thinking to myself that that would be the first and last time I am involved with VBS. Do I find joy in being around the kids? I have to say yes. Though I feel out of place and takes me time to warm up, I do want them to have a good time and to want to come back again next year. But I don't know, I somehow don't think VBS is my choice of ministry. On top of that, the sactuary smells of shoe after lunch.
I do not agree that they should eat lunch in the sanctuary for the reason of convenience. We make it a rule not to eat in a place of worship, yet, we contradict ourselves. I find internal struggles with this as I see the rationale, and I know God is not angry with letting us eat in the sacntuary. But it just isn't right.
I don't want to be involved next time because it's just too disheartening. And there is a fear that if I helped out more, there wouldn't be much of a change either. So, all this is just talk...is it?
I decide that tomorrow, I will try harder to be a better helper. I will try harder to make a difference in one or two kids' lives. That's as much as I could possibly ask and hope for.
VBS is actually Vacation Bible School. It's my first time being involved, so I am observing a lot.
I feel that much could be done to make it run more smoothly. Am also just wondering how Uncle Richard managed to entertain 50+ children for 7 days with Children's Holiday Club and how come we're just going to be so happy that it's over tomorrow, day 2.
Helpers
I wasn't very much involved in CHC since I was allergic to kids and kept my distance from Sunday School and Children Ministry. But I do remember people like Fern, Daniel, Jia Huey, Agnes, David, Michael Phoon, helping out...committed to help out.
We have many youth helpers but many of them seem to think they are above the rest (since they are now youth) and don't want to be involved with these 'little kids'. Not only do they not help, but some of these are so busy entertaining themselves and being 'privileged' that they actually cause the disruption in the activities. If your helpers aren't listening to you talk, fat chance your participants will.
However, I think Mi Lin is amazing with the kids! Totally salute her!
Organization
I think communication is again the downfall of this. Just take the living skills session. The person in charge asks me last minute if I would mind taking the session. I do. And I question how things are done. I ask her who is supposed to be in charge. She says she is, but she cannot co-ordinate all three age groups at the same time. Understandable. But it's not like you just found out that there are 3 age groups. So, who did you assign in the first place? She said the team leader. But she doubts he actually read the material.
I tell her that she cannot just assume such. It is not fair for the team leader to assume that he has not taken into consideration his responsibility. Has she asked him? She said that he is too busy and doesn't want to impose on him. By now she can see that I am not willing. I could, but am not willing to be the scapegoat. Let's put it this way, if there is a first time, there will be a second. I'd rather postpone my first time.
Later in the day, I am asked if I would be willing to share the gospel message with the children using a certain diagram. I think I am very blunt and many people will begin to see that I am not really that obliging. I smiled and said 'Nope.' I think he didn't know what hit him. 'WHY?' he asks. I say that I have no idea how to use the material and was not prepared. Surprisingly, he doesn't ask again. Maybe I am very clear about certain things that I will do and will not do.
I think what upsets me the most is how things are unorganized. Even in registration, if we are supposed to be at the registration desk at 7.30am, then the people in charge should be there too to instruct. Instead, we don't know who they are and when they arrive, still do not brief us on anything! Perhaps telepathy is the way to go these days? =)
Communication
This is what I was trying to say earlier too. I suppose if you want people to be able to work independently, you have to tell them what they are supposed to do, and where to get the supplies. Because I have not been around the past few days, I assume that I am the one in the dark only. But...it seems...no loh...I'm not very far off from everyone else.
I think this lack of communication is the 'scapegoat' for all especially when they can honestly 'I have no idea'. It's amazing how the helpers are supposed to help facilitate craft without fore knowledge of what the craft is and how to go about it. Perhaps this WAS communicated (but I was not informed) and just that the infomation was not retained...yet I doubt so.
My great heartache
My great heartache was to see children missing the point of singing, doing actions together, and to see them not get the point of the object lessons. My great heartache is seeing facilitators reading from script, big words about yoghurt and recycling and fermentation without the kids responding at all.
I am not sure if it's just me who thinks this way. I feel that telling kids to pray when most of them are not believers is skipping a step if we do not tell them WHY we pray and WHAT is prayer. I think that talking about worshipping God falls on rocky pathway if they aren't listening and if we are using adult songs to tell them 'This is my desire'. What is a redeemer? What is our soul?
I disagree with MANY things. But I do not proclaim to be an expert. I don't think we should tell kids about worshipping God on the first time we meet them when we can't even get them to sing a fun song with actions.
But these are all methods. And so, I do not want to argue with methodology. However, it would be good to review what we are doing with our target group of children. I think it is unfair to spend 10 minutes giving instructions in Mandarin when there are Indian and Myanmarese children who don't know what is going on when we speak in Mandarin. Even the HELPERS don't know what is going on!
If the kids don't want to come again, I can't blame them. When Joel didn't want to sit down in a group to join the activities, I can't blame him. I didn't like it, but I just can't blame him. I, as a helper, didn't know what was going on, and there was no obviousity of who was in charge. Even as a helper, I don't know who is my head!
So, my heartache is that the message is lost. The deeper meaning of everything that was prepared is lost.
Will there be a next time?
I remember thinking to myself that that would be the first and last time I am involved with VBS. Do I find joy in being around the kids? I have to say yes. Though I feel out of place and takes me time to warm up, I do want them to have a good time and to want to come back again next year. But I don't know, I somehow don't think VBS is my choice of ministry. On top of that, the sactuary smells of shoe after lunch.
I do not agree that they should eat lunch in the sanctuary for the reason of convenience. We make it a rule not to eat in a place of worship, yet, we contradict ourselves. I find internal struggles with this as I see the rationale, and I know God is not angry with letting us eat in the sacntuary. But it just isn't right.
I don't want to be involved next time because it's just too disheartening. And there is a fear that if I helped out more, there wouldn't be much of a change either. So, all this is just talk...is it?
I decide that tomorrow, I will try harder to be a better helper. I will try harder to make a difference in one or two kids' lives. That's as much as I could possibly ask and hope for.
Michall's leaving
Though for the past few months we haven't really been hanging out together much, but the times that we did, it was good. With Michall leaving back to Penang tomorrow, the heart's kind of heavy. I want to say again that life is so unfair...first Fern, then Michall.
I suppose you only realize how much a person has impacted your life when they are leaving. Yet, change is inevitable.
I sometimes wish I could do more to appreciate a person but everything fights for time. Perhaps it is compounded by the fact that I am inefficient and lazy most of the times. I still am trying to learn to curb this habit and if I may remind me, sluggardness is sin.
If I would use my brain and time more effectively, I could do much more bible studies, I could write more notes of appreciation and encouragement, I could make birthday cards, I could buy good gifts, I could exercise and I could blog.
Anyhow, Michall's leaving. It's starting to hit the heart pretty soon...perhaps because I've been anticipating this for the past 6 months or so. No more badminton. No movie kaki. No captain ball kaki. Less one CG member. If there was any of the CG members who felt the same way about CG as me, it would be Michall. And hence, I'm really gonna miss him. *sigh*
I suppose you only realize how much a person has impacted your life when they are leaving. Yet, change is inevitable.
I sometimes wish I could do more to appreciate a person but everything fights for time. Perhaps it is compounded by the fact that I am inefficient and lazy most of the times. I still am trying to learn to curb this habit and if I may remind me, sluggardness is sin.
If I would use my brain and time more effectively, I could do much more bible studies, I could write more notes of appreciation and encouragement, I could make birthday cards, I could buy good gifts, I could exercise and I could blog.
Anyhow, Michall's leaving. It's starting to hit the heart pretty soon...perhaps because I've been anticipating this for the past 6 months or so. No more badminton. No movie kaki. No captain ball kaki. Less one CG member. If there was any of the CG members who felt the same way about CG as me, it would be Michall. And hence, I'm really gonna miss him. *sigh*
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Life (and death) happens
Mama Lok Ku passed away at around midnight between Sunday and Monday.
I was dead tired (forgive the pun). When the phonecall came, and mum said in her calm voice that mama had passed on...nothing. Somehow, it wasn't surprising nor shocking news even at 12 midnight, half groggy. I just sat up, waiting for koko to come out of his shower so I could tell him too.
I realize that I have a certain 'cool-ness' about me, that nothing really frazzles me. However, though I try to climb back into bed, so many things run through my mind that I get up, turn on my laptop and start sending out emails to get people to cover me while I am away in Ipoh. It is 2am by the time I turn off the laptop and climb into bed to sleep again. 5 hours later, I climb out of bed and do the needful.
I remain composed throughout the 3 days of prayers and funeral service. The only time I realize that my mind is not all there is when I was calculating the 'pak kam' on the first night. We were missing some money. After awhile, I realize that the only thing missing is my brain...as I had counted 3 stacks of RM10 as RM30 and not RM300. Yes, it is such a dumb mistake you wonder if it even merits to be called a mistake. *pengsan*
I wondered that throughout the 3 days I didn't shed one tear. Was I immune? Was my heart hardened? My heart moved a bit when my aunts cried yet no tears. I tried to be there for my cousin when she went to look at grandma and started to sob. But dad's family is pretty reserved in affection and it was like putting my arms around a 'wall' that cannot respond to human touch.
And I realize now why I couldn't cry. There was no one to cry with.
This is a great relief because I really was afraid that I was made of stone. How can one go through a whole funeral and not cry one tear...especially when it's her grandmother? When Ah Kong died, cry till heart also ache. Dog die also cry until eyes bengkak.
Driving back from church just now, after checking on the VBS group, I reflected on my last visit to Mama. That was the first time in so many months that she recognized me without being prompted and when she said 'Oh...lu si Lissa'. She remembers every other grandchild but me (since she started to get senile and alzheimers). Yet that one time, she got it right. First time I ever got to talk so much with her and even pray for her. First time I ever saw her so happy to see ME.
I also know that my emotions work on delayed telecast. Her death has finally reached the heart. And it feels good to say wiht deepest sincerity that I am going to miss her. I started to miss her a long time ago, when she got sick, couldn't talk very much, and couldn't remember very much either.
If all that commotion in Ipoh was not enough, Mama Ah Kooi got admitted to hospital with suspected chronic cardiac failure. (I have yet to understand this terminology.) And since the doctors still cannot determine what's the matter, most probably, it is due to old age. I suppose you could say that it's like a ticking timebomb...all looks calm and smooth, but it might explode and we can't predict it.
And all this while, I was supposed to be preparing just in case Low Kong passes on too.
I don't know if it's humorous, but the ironicity of it is that I always joke that I have to pray hard that no one dies while Pastor Reynold is away. And then my own grandma passes away and another gets admitted.
Life happens. You face it. It's bearable. With God. It's doable. With friends & family.
I understand now the value of an SMS despite it containing 'cliche' words like 'deepest condolences' and 'our sympathies'. Sometimes, it's not the words in the SMS but the name of the person who sent it. It pretty much is synonym to 'You cared'.
I understand now how much it means when friends attend a funeral of our loved ones. They don't have to. But when they are there, it just means you're in it together. When See Ee and See Teow and Mak Ee appeared, it was like fresh wind! People come all the way to mourn with those who mourn. It's wow. And even though dad's colleagues are seen as 'chor tai tee' kakis...they stayed from day one till the burial. They didn't have to. But they did.
This makes me realize that if ever my friends' lose someone dear to them, no matter how mafan it is, it's good just to go. Even if it seems kekok...it's okay, it's just good to go and be there.
I miss grandma. But I'm also grateful that her suffering is over. She loved the song 'How great Thou art'. We sang that.
Mama, mama...
I'm gonna miss you
Miss your presence, your cooking...and I've missed your ba-hoo
You never liked fish, and we never knew
Because you'd just smile and eat it, with a quiet 'thank you'
Somehow, for our sakes, you'd finish the fish head we served you
You used to feed us, as we cycled on our bikes
And patiently fed us, even food you knew we disliked!
You never forgot our birthdays, and in our successes, took delight
And angpows came whenever we did well or just alright
That tin of muruku you get each new year
You'd keep giving to me even when it was meant to bring you cheer
You said it's cause I liked it, and reserved it for me every year
And though it's silly, it's this thought that brings the tears
Grandma, I miss you... a lot.
I was dead tired (forgive the pun). When the phonecall came, and mum said in her calm voice that mama had passed on...nothing. Somehow, it wasn't surprising nor shocking news even at 12 midnight, half groggy. I just sat up, waiting for koko to come out of his shower so I could tell him too.
I realize that I have a certain 'cool-ness' about me, that nothing really frazzles me. However, though I try to climb back into bed, so many things run through my mind that I get up, turn on my laptop and start sending out emails to get people to cover me while I am away in Ipoh. It is 2am by the time I turn off the laptop and climb into bed to sleep again. 5 hours later, I climb out of bed and do the needful.
I remain composed throughout the 3 days of prayers and funeral service. The only time I realize that my mind is not all there is when I was calculating the 'pak kam' on the first night. We were missing some money. After awhile, I realize that the only thing missing is my brain...as I had counted 3 stacks of RM10 as RM30 and not RM300. Yes, it is such a dumb mistake you wonder if it even merits to be called a mistake. *pengsan*
I wondered that throughout the 3 days I didn't shed one tear. Was I immune? Was my heart hardened? My heart moved a bit when my aunts cried yet no tears. I tried to be there for my cousin when she went to look at grandma and started to sob. But dad's family is pretty reserved in affection and it was like putting my arms around a 'wall' that cannot respond to human touch.
And I realize now why I couldn't cry. There was no one to cry with.
This is a great relief because I really was afraid that I was made of stone. How can one go through a whole funeral and not cry one tear...especially when it's her grandmother? When Ah Kong died, cry till heart also ache. Dog die also cry until eyes bengkak.
Driving back from church just now, after checking on the VBS group, I reflected on my last visit to Mama. That was the first time in so many months that she recognized me without being prompted and when she said 'Oh...lu si Lissa'. She remembers every other grandchild but me (since she started to get senile and alzheimers). Yet that one time, she got it right. First time I ever got to talk so much with her and even pray for her. First time I ever saw her so happy to see ME.
I also know that my emotions work on delayed telecast. Her death has finally reached the heart. And it feels good to say wiht deepest sincerity that I am going to miss her. I started to miss her a long time ago, when she got sick, couldn't talk very much, and couldn't remember very much either.
If all that commotion in Ipoh was not enough, Mama Ah Kooi got admitted to hospital with suspected chronic cardiac failure. (I have yet to understand this terminology.) And since the doctors still cannot determine what's the matter, most probably, it is due to old age. I suppose you could say that it's like a ticking timebomb...all looks calm and smooth, but it might explode and we can't predict it.
And all this while, I was supposed to be preparing just in case Low Kong passes on too.
I don't know if it's humorous, but the ironicity of it is that I always joke that I have to pray hard that no one dies while Pastor Reynold is away. And then my own grandma passes away and another gets admitted.
Life happens. You face it. It's bearable. With God. It's doable. With friends & family.
I understand now the value of an SMS despite it containing 'cliche' words like 'deepest condolences' and 'our sympathies'. Sometimes, it's not the words in the SMS but the name of the person who sent it. It pretty much is synonym to 'You cared'.
I understand now how much it means when friends attend a funeral of our loved ones. They don't have to. But when they are there, it just means you're in it together. When See Ee and See Teow and Mak Ee appeared, it was like fresh wind! People come all the way to mourn with those who mourn. It's wow. And even though dad's colleagues are seen as 'chor tai tee' kakis...they stayed from day one till the burial. They didn't have to. But they did.
This makes me realize that if ever my friends' lose someone dear to them, no matter how mafan it is, it's good just to go. Even if it seems kekok...it's okay, it's just good to go and be there.
I miss grandma. But I'm also grateful that her suffering is over. She loved the song 'How great Thou art'. We sang that.
Mama, mama...
I'm gonna miss you
Miss your presence, your cooking...and I've missed your ba-hoo
You never liked fish, and we never knew
Because you'd just smile and eat it, with a quiet 'thank you'
Somehow, for our sakes, you'd finish the fish head we served you
You used to feed us, as we cycled on our bikes
And patiently fed us, even food you knew we disliked!
You never forgot our birthdays, and in our successes, took delight
And angpows came whenever we did well or just alright
That tin of muruku you get each new year
You'd keep giving to me even when it was meant to bring you cheer
You said it's cause I liked it, and reserved it for me every year
And though it's silly, it's this thought that brings the tears
Grandma, I miss you... a lot.
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