2014 was a big change. After a long inner debate and just asking God again and again 'What do I do?' I took up a role in PJEFC. After a heavy farewell from CBCPJ, I started the new year in a new church.
The transition story will be left for another day. One of the things I would reflect on is how this changing of church is a norm in the episcopal church. How do they do it? Uproot themselves from friends and family and then plant themselves in a foreign environment where respect is accorded to the office - if it is at all. Everyone is on defence mechanism mode.
Anyhow...
I am now one of the new pastors in PJEFC. It has been 5 months. Very soon, let's be realistic, the novelty of being the new pastor will wear off. The polite smiles will be replaced with authentic expressions. The 'give chance' will be replaced by 'she ought to know by now'.
As I desperately cling onto any life-saving raft I can find, my feet struggle to find their footing. For once in my life, I look around and I find few, if any, friends. Working relationships are all I see. People want something from you. I ask myself, do I really care? Am I here for a job?
As I list down my responsibilities...I swallow hard. A few times. I started to list down what is expected of me and then decided, nevermind. Leave it be. I might grumble more!
CG Coordinator. Christian Education (in-training director). Worship Ministry Pastor (new portfolio).
In addition, I chose to be student and lecturer.
I start to wonder if I bit off more than I can chew. If I am stretching myself too much. Do I even know my limitations?
I have found that if I do not articulate my frustrations through blogging, I blurt it out at the wrong time, with the wrong attitude, and that's just not good. If I don't, I vent it up and I think I'll grow old really quick! So, the therapy of writing...my little getaway.
I look at the amount of thinking through that I have to do and wish that I didn't need to do a thesis next year. So much that requires my brain. And so much to be responsible for. It's scary. I quite enjoyed being a recipient and appreciate those who give a whole lot more.
It's June. I feel like I am going up a mountain...susah.
