...to the valley of the shadow of death.
Pastor Reynold was musing about this. That I had to come down from the mountain top and the first thing that I have to handle is a funeral of a 17 year old.
I hate these kind of funerals.
The other day it was the funeral of a 7 day old baby. Today it is a 17 year old boy.
These 'premature' leavings are often harder to minister at. What do you say? How do you comfort? You just grieve with those who grieve. And when you hear the anguished cries and the uncontrollable tears...how can you even sing 'To God be the glory'?
Are Christians/Pastors bipolar? At one point, we can clap and praise the Lord and be speaking with joy in our voice. At another point, just a few hours later, we cry with those who cry and sing praise songs contemplatively...bringing a sacrifice of praise hesitantly.
Here's an ironic closing statement, which would seem heartless if read in the wrong light: Life goes on...
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Of forgiveness...
I took over a youth cell last week and found myself being not very transformed in my temper and how I exhibit it.
Pastor Reynold says that when our conscience is sensitive to the Holy Spirit, unrighteous things will bother us. I know that I tore myself up for going at the lights near church but that's another story.
With this case, I was already bothered in my spirit from the time the cell was over. All the way home it bothered me: what I said, how I said it, and what he said.
Bill Hybels shared that in his meetings there are 'cry foul' moments. These are moments that are not righteous, where accusations are made and unfair statements thrown out. The person who receives the foul needs to rephrase the way they say things. If the group knew about the system, I would have cried foul of myself.
I later dug out my hamchoy list of youth contact numbers and wrote a 5 SMS long message to confess my sin and ask for forgiveness from this boy. Sometimes people will say that leaders should not show their weaknesses or admit their fault to those under them because they will cease to respect you. To the pits with face and pride.
I've come to realize that I very well misjudged my brother, although not entirely, but it is still a foul. It is easy to 'know' a person from hearsay, to make conclusions of one from others' opinions. It is easy, but not right. It creates also a biasness of opinion of them and a prejudgement.
If I ever hope to be a good leader, and eventually (though I hope this is a long way off) a pastor, I will not prejudge others.
This cheeky fellow saw me on Sunday and winked. *lol* Boys will be boys. And I take that as everything is forgiven. I can only say one thing about the whole incident and that is that I think we now have a more real relationship than before.
I used to wonder if I should act upon such a gut instinct. What if the wronged doesn't even feel it? I malufy myself for nothing? I make a mountain out of nothing? But I am starting to think that whether or not the person felt wronged, if God convicts me, I better do something about it!
So like that lah...perhaps more winks in the future? hahahaha!
Pastor Reynold says that when our conscience is sensitive to the Holy Spirit, unrighteous things will bother us. I know that I tore myself up for going at the lights near church but that's another story.
With this case, I was already bothered in my spirit from the time the cell was over. All the way home it bothered me: what I said, how I said it, and what he said.
Bill Hybels shared that in his meetings there are 'cry foul' moments. These are moments that are not righteous, where accusations are made and unfair statements thrown out. The person who receives the foul needs to rephrase the way they say things. If the group knew about the system, I would have cried foul of myself.
I later dug out my hamchoy list of youth contact numbers and wrote a 5 SMS long message to confess my sin and ask for forgiveness from this boy. Sometimes people will say that leaders should not show their weaknesses or admit their fault to those under them because they will cease to respect you. To the pits with face and pride.
I've come to realize that I very well misjudged my brother, although not entirely, but it is still a foul. It is easy to 'know' a person from hearsay, to make conclusions of one from others' opinions. It is easy, but not right. It creates also a biasness of opinion of them and a prejudgement.
If I ever hope to be a good leader, and eventually (though I hope this is a long way off) a pastor, I will not prejudge others.
This cheeky fellow saw me on Sunday and winked. *lol* Boys will be boys. And I take that as everything is forgiven. I can only say one thing about the whole incident and that is that I think we now have a more real relationship than before.
I used to wonder if I should act upon such a gut instinct. What if the wronged doesn't even feel it? I malufy myself for nothing? I make a mountain out of nothing? But I am starting to think that whether or not the person felt wronged, if God convicts me, I better do something about it!
So like that lah...perhaps more winks in the future? hahahaha!
Mentee resigned...
I knew the day would come. Being barred from seeing the fellow and not very much liked by his family anymore, it would prove to be almost impossible to mentor him. In addition to the fact that I am slow to move.
The fellow cited that he would need a guy mentor (something I did say earlier) since the stuff he goes through needs to be shared with a guy. Am not particularly discouraged, as I do think he would be better off with a guy who is more accessible to him and someone he can relate to.
As a pastor intern, I know that no longer being a mentor does not mean I will be any less involved in his life nor does it lessen the covering I am supposed to pray over him. It's funny...to get rid of Melissa from a person's life in church is quite hard. First, you have to get rid of her as an immediate leader. Then, you have to get rid of her as a church leader/pastoral care. Then, you have to get rid of her as a friend and acquaintance. So...ya, basically, sever one relationship with Melissa and you're still stuck with another 1 or 2 to get rid off.
The advantages of being an intern? heh...
The fellow cited that he would need a guy mentor (something I did say earlier) since the stuff he goes through needs to be shared with a guy. Am not particularly discouraged, as I do think he would be better off with a guy who is more accessible to him and someone he can relate to.
As a pastor intern, I know that no longer being a mentor does not mean I will be any less involved in his life nor does it lessen the covering I am supposed to pray over him. It's funny...to get rid of Melissa from a person's life in church is quite hard. First, you have to get rid of her as an immediate leader. Then, you have to get rid of her as a church leader/pastoral care. Then, you have to get rid of her as a friend and acquaintance. So...ya, basically, sever one relationship with Melissa and you're still stuck with another 1 or 2 to get rid off.
The advantages of being an intern? heh...
Porn
As I waited for the filter guy to come, I flipped through Asian Beacon's issue on pornography. Never did I realize the effects of it, especially in view of how women are degraded in the male addicts view.
Then, my mind wandered into the worst case scenario stuff. Imagine if the guy like, or boyfriend, or husband was trapped in porn. It's not only his problem lor. It becomes mine too. Because the more submerged he is in it, it means that I would eventually be compared to the almost physically perfect women used to portray that they want to be beaten and enjoy viscous sexual escapades at anytime, anywhere.
If I understand correctly, porn can be as much a threat to a relationship/marriage as a third party seducer or affair. And it's already in the homes of many!
As I read on, some thoughts of how devious Satan is came to mind. An almost helpless thought struck me that all is lost. How can we save our deteriorating society from this invasive corruption? Is it not a futile attempt? Why do we even bother? Yet I can think of at least one brother who struggles with this. And because I love him, I bother. And believe that there's hope. There has to be. The transforming power of God MUST do something to set these prisoners free. He MUST. If He doesn't, we have lost. And the devil laughs maliciously.
How do we, Lord, purge this wickedness from ourselves, our minds, our church, our communities?
My only thought? Prayer. Yet, I do not mean this as an end. Too often we see prayer as something we do when all comes to a seemingly helpless end. We say we pray when we don't know what else to do, have no words to speak. Yet, prayer is not the end. It is the beginning of finding the right solution, it is the seeking of strength to carry on the battle. Prayer and worship are not the end. It is the beginning of an undefeatable process to overcoming the impossible. (Did that make sense?)
Our prayers should propel us to action. Our worship should birth the ministries we endeavor in.
Come, come to Him all you who are weary and heavy laden, He will give you rest. Come with your burdens. Come with your anxiety. Our worship and prayer should be the place where He manifests His glory and imparts wisdom and direction on what we shall do with our burdens, our anxiety, our struggles with sin and bondage.
In every situation, may we be found giving thanks. Thank God for the victory that we have in our Lord Jesus Christ.
Then, my mind wandered into the worst case scenario stuff. Imagine if the guy like, or boyfriend, or husband was trapped in porn. It's not only his problem lor. It becomes mine too. Because the more submerged he is in it, it means that I would eventually be compared to the almost physically perfect women used to portray that they want to be beaten and enjoy viscous sexual escapades at anytime, anywhere.
If I understand correctly, porn can be as much a threat to a relationship/marriage as a third party seducer or affair. And it's already in the homes of many!
As I read on, some thoughts of how devious Satan is came to mind. An almost helpless thought struck me that all is lost. How can we save our deteriorating society from this invasive corruption? Is it not a futile attempt? Why do we even bother? Yet I can think of at least one brother who struggles with this. And because I love him, I bother. And believe that there's hope. There has to be. The transforming power of God MUST do something to set these prisoners free. He MUST. If He doesn't, we have lost. And the devil laughs maliciously.
How do we, Lord, purge this wickedness from ourselves, our minds, our church, our communities?
My only thought? Prayer. Yet, I do not mean this as an end. Too often we see prayer as something we do when all comes to a seemingly helpless end. We say we pray when we don't know what else to do, have no words to speak. Yet, prayer is not the end. It is the beginning of finding the right solution, it is the seeking of strength to carry on the battle. Prayer and worship are not the end. It is the beginning of an undefeatable process to overcoming the impossible. (Did that make sense?)
Our prayers should propel us to action. Our worship should birth the ministries we endeavor in.
Come, come to Him all you who are weary and heavy laden, He will give you rest. Come with your burdens. Come with your anxiety. Our worship and prayer should be the place where He manifests His glory and imparts wisdom and direction on what we shall do with our burdens, our anxiety, our struggles with sin and bondage.
In every situation, may we be found giving thanks. Thank God for the victory that we have in our Lord Jesus Christ.
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