Great things to come...

Today, as I sat amongst the pastors in our staff meeting, something in my heart moved...was convicted, quietly.

There are things that are going to happen in the future. Some greatly magnificent, some greatly terrifying if we are not prepared.

As I hear Pastor Reynold speak, and we look at what is in store for CBC in the coming years, I am greatly excited, challenged, and in a way...intimidated. Are we ready? Can we make it? Looking at how we were before...will things be dramatically different?

If so, we must change dramatically too. Are we prepared as leaders? To step up a notch?

As I look around me, these men and women who have given their lives to the service of people out of their love for God and honoring their calling in life, they are simple people...we are simple people. Yet...we have a tremendously magnificent and great God! If He says go...shall we not dare? If He says come, shall we not dare?

And I see around me, men and women who will dare...because He says. Not by their abilities, not by their strength, but through His empowering, granted to us by grace, as we place our trust and faith in Him.

We are changing. Things are coming together in a new way. We are excited. There will be 'teething issues' to sort out as we get to know each other more dearly, yet...it is by consensus that we face it head on, clothed and 'armed' with love for each other.

Two things...
I am privileged to work with these men and women and to be loved and accepted by them.

There are great things to come.

There are great things to come.

Of forgiveness...

I took over a youth cell last week and found myself being not very transformed in my temper and how I exhibit it.

Pastor Reynold says that when our conscience is sensitive to the Holy Spirit, unrighteous things will bother us. I know that I tore myself up for going at the lights near church but that's another story.

With this case, I was already bothered in my spirit from the time the cell was over. All the way home it bothered me: what I said, how I said it, and what he said.

Bill Hybels shared that in his meetings there are 'cry foul' moments. These are moments that are not righteous, where accusations are made and unfair statements thrown out. The person who receives the foul needs to rephrase the way they say things. If the group knew about the system, I would have cried foul of myself.

I later dug out my hamchoy list of youth contact numbers and wrote a 5 SMS long message to confess my sin and ask for forgiveness from this boy. Sometimes people will say that leaders should not show their weaknesses or admit their fault to those under them because they will cease to respect you. To the pits with face and pride.

I've come to realize that I very well misjudged my brother, although not entirely, but it is still a foul. It is easy to 'know' a person from hearsay, to make conclusions of one from others' opinions. It is easy, but not right. It creates also a biasness of opinion of them and a prejudgement.

If I ever hope to be a good leader, and eventually (though I hope this is a long way off) a pastor, I will not prejudge others.

This cheeky fellow saw me on Sunday and winked. *lol* Boys will be boys. And I take that as everything is forgiven. I can only say one thing about the whole incident and that is that I think we now have a more real relationship than before.

I used to wonder if I should act upon such a gut instinct. What if the wronged doesn't even feel it? I malufy myself for nothing? I make a mountain out of nothing? But I am starting to think that whether or not the person felt wronged, if God convicts me, I better do something about it!

So like that lah...perhaps more winks in the future? hahahaha!

VBS - Very Butt Spraining

=D

Hehe...it's TRUUUUUEEEE! Talk about a aching gluteus maximus. And I am so tired that I would say this surmounts to climbing Mt Kinabalu or exploring Gua Tempurung (extreme package).

Two days with kids is TIRING! Eyes are closing d...

I shall share with you the highlights of today:

1. Nithiya pulling my hand during lunch time saying, 'Teacher, pray for us before we eat'.

2. Juny grabbing my hand for security and comfort when the show at the Planetarium scared her.

3. Joel making funny faces with me despite me lecturing him a few times on his behavior.

4. Nithiya putting her arms around me.

5. Me scolding the kids on the mic to keep quiet and listen. I think I should reconcile myself to the fact that I will always be the headprefect, not tolerating disrespect and chaos.

6. Pastor Reynold's appearance in church after a week retreat in Lahat Datu.

7. Me catching an older boy lying about deliberately throwing rubbish on the floor of the bus, and showing my distaste for it. (Sean says I don't give face. It's getting truer and truer.)

8. Not being called auntie! haha!

I want to say that there is no loss (except for sleep and temper) in getting involved with kids. None at all. But I certainly cannot say that this is my cup of tea. I also think that it is perhaps the fact that it is not a natural thing for me that it takes me a day or two to warm up to them. Today, the faces that were most familiar were those who were most naughty, yet they are the ones who give the cheeky smiles and listen when scolded as though my words were to pull their ears.

Naughty, I can take, and I can love. Cocky...this I have an issue with and would rather stay far, far away.

I think that kids should have fun. I believe they should be allowed to run around and be crazy. I believe they should laugh and frolick. I believe they should be hugged and cuddled. I believe that many need kind words and building up.

But I also believe in discipline by being firm.

I just need to learn how to differentiate anger and frustration from being firm and in control. I still believe that something must be done to get attention and I do not think raising voice is the right way. I think I will get a whistle.

There is a time to play, and a time to learn, and a time to be still. I think we all want the same thing. It's just that the execution of the plan is interpreted differently.

Perhaps I am too much a discipline junkie. Not that I myself show great self discipline. But when in a group, I do respect rules and the leader in front, even though they do frustrate me sometimes. I remember telling Zury one time to STOP MUMBLING into the mic with his fake slang. After 3 times, still no one could get his announcement and just weren't listening anymore. If you aren't clear, there is no reason why people should listen to you.

Value their time. In the same way, we need to value the kids' time. And we need to acknowledge their right to BE kids.

I find that I cannot judge a 10 year old for being mischevious or dislike him for it. I also will not stop him from being cheeky. But I would teach him that he must not hurt others in the process and also that there is a proper time for all that cheekiness. I constantly remind myself that just because I am tired, it does not give me the right to lash out at a child no matter how naughty they are.

I also discover that a 10 year old can't really hold a grudge at you if you will humble yourself and admit you are wrong. I also discover that a child will listen to you if you do what you ask him to. We told all the kids to eat on the tarpoulin (spelling?) mat. But if we are all sitting on the carpet, ignoring them, we set a double standard. It is true that I probably will not spill my food on the carpet, but if I give him that rule, it makes a difference to him when I sit with him on the mat, even though we do not have anything to talk about (since he probably thinks I am an uptight teacher who's picking on him...). He later asked me a funny, random question about myself, which I appreciate as a peace offering.

It's the older ones I find hard to swallow. And it's pretty sad that those involved with the children ministry are all who seem to have a superiority complex, thinking themselves of more noble descent because they are hitting teens, in their teens, or can play a musical instrument. These are attitudes which I somehow hope will change in time without intervention...but I doubt it.

I find that our church youth are divided into two main groups. For the time being I will classify them as A and B:

A: Greater respect for parents, curfews, and people in authority. More humble than B. Easier to talk to, to teach. May not like but will look after kids with love. "You're okay but I prefer my clique" and "Are you trustworthy?"

B: Parents are more of older friends, allowance provider, driver. An air of superiority amongst them. Volunteer to help but more for attention purposes. "I'm better than you" and "You need to be at my level to be in my gang".

Something to that extent lah. But anyhow, this is just a observation as I spend more time with the 'OTHER' group in the youth.

Anyhow...VBS is a spring board for my observations. As I get to know some of the helpers, I also notice that first impressions can truly be deceiving. (This is why Kien should not make a conclusion of a girl based on one date! Haha!) A girl I thought to be extremely docile and mild mannered is actually VERY assertive and can be pretty demanding. You never really know people till you work with them.

I thank God for the opportunity to work with different people. I thank Him for exposing me to a different group of people in the church. I thank Him for letting me know them a bit more and perhaps the other way is true. They also know me better. Hidup Headprefect! Hahaha! I thank Him for the girls who were in my group. I thank Him for the observations. I thank Him for the wow-moments. Hearing the children sing 'This is my desire' loud loud was wow. I wonder how the Lord would have felt.

I ask that He show me where my concept of children and the ministry is wrong and flawed, especially with my lack of faith. I ask that He give me the courage to speak up about the things that are right and true too. And I ask for wisdom to know which is which.

Good night. My butt needs to rest. Hahahahahah!