Chambers: What is that to thee?

"Lord, what shall this man do? . . What is that to thee? Follow thou Me." John 21:21,2

One of our severest lessons comes from the stubborn refusal to see that we must not interfere in other people's lives. It takes a long time to realize the danger of being an amateur providence, that is, interfering with God's order for others. You see a certain person suffering, and you say - He shall not suffer, and I will see that he does not. You put your hand straight in front of God's permissive will to prevent it, and God says - "What is that to thee?" If there is stagnation spiritually, never allow it to go on, but get into God's presence and find out the reason for it. Possibly you will find it is because you have been interfering in the life of another; proposing things you had no right to propose; advising when you had no right to advise. When you do have to give advice to another, God will advise through you with the direct understanding of His Spirit; your part is to be so rightly related to God that His discernment comes through you all the time for the blessing of another soul.

Most of us live on the borders of consciousness - consciously serving, consciously devoted to God. All this is immature, it is not the real life yet. The mature stage is the life of a child which is never conscious; we become so abandoned to God that the consciousness of being used never enters in. When we are consciously being used as broken bread and poured-out wine, there is another stage to be reached, where all consciousness of ourselves and of what God is doing through us is eliminated. A saint is never consciously a saint; a saint is consciously dependent on God.

November 15

Oswald Chambers: Shallow and Profound

"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

Beware of allowing yourself to think that the shallow concerns of life are not ordained of God; they are as much of God as the profound. It is not your devotion to God that makes you refuse to be shallow, but your wish to impress other people with the fact that you are not shallow, which is a sure sign that you are a spiritual prig. Be careful of the production of contempt in yourself, it always comes along this line, and causes you to go about as a walking rebuke to other people because they are more shallow than you are. Beware of posing as a profound person; God became a Baby.

To be shallow is not a sign of being wicked, nor is shallowness a sign that there are no deeps: the ocean has a shore. The shallow amenities of life, eating and drinking, walking and talking, are all ordained by God. These are the things in which Our Lord lived. He lived in them as the Son of God, and He said that "the disciple is not above his Master."

Our safeguard is in the shallow things. We have to live the surface common-sense life in a common-sense way; when the deeper things come, God gives them to us apart from the shallow concerns. Never show the deeps to anyone but God. We are so abominably serious, so desperately interested in our own characters, that we refuse to behave like Christians in the shallow concerns of life.

Determinedly take no one seriously but God, and the first person you find you have to leave severely alone as being the greatest fraud you have ever known, is yourself.

22 November

Because I am Christ's...

One of the greatest struggles and frustrations I face ever since becoming a pastor intern is the expectations of me as a pastor.

Be at every service...prayer meeting...youth meeting...ministry outreach meeting...

Be on call for every last minute thing that is within my power to handle and takeover...

Be on my best behavior...polite...patient...calm...reasonable...smiley...no shouting...

Be more Christian than the 'average' Christian...show more grace, be kinder, be more teachable, be...

'Do this because you will be a pastor...'
'Be this because you will be a pastor...'
'You cannot act like that because you have a pastoral duty...'
'You cannot say that because you are seen as a pastor...'

At times I strike out at God and say 'If this is the case...then Lord, I don't want to be in this pastoral role. I don't want to be a pastor...intern.'

And then I hear in my heart a voice say 'Then do it because you are Christian.'

As I chat with Ching Li over these matters, she articulates it well. People seem to think that the godly principles of life applies only to pastors, leaders, ministers and that if they are 'normal congregational members' they need not live out the principles Christ teaches.

I acknowledge that in leadership there is a greater prominence. People notice the city on the hill. But it doesn't mean the city in the plains is excused from shining its light.

If I HAVE to be at every meeting, every service, because I am a church worker, then it means I live and do what I do because I am paid to. Which then brings into question my motives for praying, for serving, for worshiping. Maybe that's why we are paid little...so that there is an element to remind us that this is a sacrifice unto the Lord. :) LOL!

Jokes and humor aside...the tension between the two is fragile. And sometimes, it doesn't really matter why you attend a service...but it matters that you KNOW why you attend the service. It would be deceit to tell myself I am at a worship service because I love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, when actually I am there because I have to be. I believe God understands. And somehow, when we are honest, He transforms our motives...He gives grace beyond what I can imagine.

Ching Li and I have a quip that we tell each other when we break the 'rules'.

'I overslept today...'
'I don't want to go to chapel...'
'I skipped the order of prayer...'
'I forgot to give thanks for the food...'

We pat each other on the back and say...'You'll still go to heaven...'

:) My value and destination in view of eternity is not dependent on how many chapel services I attend, how many classes I go for, how many times I give thanks for my food...

It is not dependent on how many hours I spend in prayer, on the tears I cry when I sing, on the time I spend reading His word, on the number of people I am patient with...

It is only dependent on what Jesus has done on the cross and whether I confess and believe with all that I am that He has died for my sins, and that He is risen, and that in Him I made new and set free to do what is right.

If it were based on my own merits, it wouldn't be grace.

But because I am Christ's, bought by His blood, redeemed by Him, loved lavishly by Him...then,

will I show grace...
will I pray...
will I love as best as I can...
will I go to chapel because I love my friends who are there, and because we meet Him together...
will I rise in the morning to meet Him, love Him, hear from Him...
will I be at every service that I am able to be at for the encouragement of HIS people...
will I set my heart to be holy and pure because He is holy and pure...

Not because I am a pastor intern.
Not because I will be a pastor someday (maybe!)
Not because I am a leader.

But because I am Christ's.

And though people think I 'have' to do things because of my vocation...it is imperative that I know WHY I do what I do. It is not to meet the expectations of others. It is not to meet the fantasized portfolio of a pastor or full time worker. It is because I am His...

And I know...that even if I don't do all that...He still loves me, and I will still go to heaven. :)

Great things to come...

Today, as I sat amongst the pastors in our staff meeting, something in my heart moved...was convicted, quietly.

There are things that are going to happen in the future. Some greatly magnificent, some greatly terrifying if we are not prepared.

As I hear Pastor Reynold speak, and we look at what is in store for CBC in the coming years, I am greatly excited, challenged, and in a way...intimidated. Are we ready? Can we make it? Looking at how we were before...will things be dramatically different?

If so, we must change dramatically too. Are we prepared as leaders? To step up a notch?

As I look around me, these men and women who have given their lives to the service of people out of their love for God and honoring their calling in life, they are simple people...we are simple people. Yet...we have a tremendously magnificent and great God! If He says go...shall we not dare? If He says come, shall we not dare?

And I see around me, men and women who will dare...because He says. Not by their abilities, not by their strength, but through His empowering, granted to us by grace, as we place our trust and faith in Him.

We are changing. Things are coming together in a new way. We are excited. There will be 'teething issues' to sort out as we get to know each other more dearly, yet...it is by consensus that we face it head on, clothed and 'armed' with love for each other.

Two things...
I am privileged to work with these men and women and to be loved and accepted by them.

There are great things to come.

There are great things to come.

Funerals

Attended another funeral today.

Often times I wonder if ever my heart will be hardened or dulled if I attend so many wake services, funerals. Will my heart be hardened till I no longer can cry? I mean, sometimes, I don't feel anything when hearing someone has died.

But when I see the sobbing wife, men trying to hold back tears, children blur blur...I am filled with a sense of grief...

I realize that the Bible doesn't say mourn for every person who dies, even if you do not know them. It tells us to mourn with those who mourn. We are to be by the side of those who are still living, who feel the lost.

This year, I am reminded of the 17 year old who died; of little Anna, who went home to Jesus after only a few days; husbands who die in their 40s & 50s leaving young families to fend on their own.

Sometimes, I go (to the funeral/wake) feeling numbed. I try to focus on my 'job'...the words I will say, the songs I will sing and play, remember to give the pak kam.

You cannot cry hysterically. You must be composed. Since I do not know the family, I cannot comfort with hugs or to put arms around the person. Instead, I feel like an intruder with no feelings.

And yet...when you see the sorrow of those who live...you feel.

Perhaps, He will not let my heart be hardened. In a way, it's a scary thing, to know that He will allow me to feel...pain and joy...I will feel. Perhaps it is also scary to know that I could easily stop feeling too. I guess the scary thing is that if you can feel great joy, you will also be able to feel deep grief. In the same manner, if we can feel immense sorrow, we can also experience exuberant joy.

Today, I watched as many cried and loss composure over Uncle Matthew Gan's demise. Pastor Mal says it's hard to say good bye. I agree. It moves me to see such grief and though you know that there is hope, we also know that there is great pain.

But there IS hope. There is.

Causes & Funds

Sometimes, I just feel grrrr...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

There are websites of many good ministries doing different things...good things. Sometimes, I get 'angry' because I think each ministry seems to be 'competing' to say that their ministry is more important. Sometimes, I get frustrated when it seems that each cause is trying to push their cause, to promote it...to 'cast their vision'.

Sometimes I think we have become so commercialized. By we, I mean Christian 'causes', 'ministries', 'missions'.

We promote our 'community projects', our 'missions', our 'causes' to 'get' people to give to it.

I know we do not do it for our own good or benefit. I know that deep down, and at the root of it, these are stemmed by love for God and wanting to make a change for justice, to help those who have no voice...etc.

I know there is nothing wrong. Yet...I dunno why...it just kills a part of me when I think we're just out to promote OUR ministries. I dunno. Forgive me God if I am judging. I really dunno if this is accuracy in discernment or is it just rebellion against 'causes'.

If it's not against Him, then, let it be. Is this, Lord, what should be the principle?

Maybe it frustrates me because...there are so many causes...and only one me...*cry cry cry* shows me how limited I am...and small...in comparison to the big problems this world faces.

Of denominations and such...

RM50...RM10...RM5...=)

Not that kind of denominations lah...

Recently have been...struggling (wonder if that's the most accurate word?)...with all that is good competing with each other. Just let me throw out some rough thoughts...

Do you realize how many good 'programs' there are for evangelism? How many methods? How many courses? How many books and material and AVA and concepts and strategies...? Do you realize? And in the Christian world, everyone seems to be trying to 'sell' their idea. They won't tell you the loopholes because that would be marketing suicide. They just tell you that 'you need', that 'this is unique', that 'it works', that 'it's MORE than good'...but pray about it.

=)

Then there are so many areas of need. People tell you that single mom's are in need. People tell you that orphans are in need. People tell you that the mentally handicapped are in need. Physical handicaps, rocky marriages, single women, single men, homosexuals, kid addicted to porn, abused kids, abused wives (and sometimes husbands), kids from broken homes, the poor, the homeless, the sick, the unreached.

And everyone tells you it's important, to support their cause. If you don't, though I think they don't mean it, they give you that look that says 'How can you harden your heart so?'

Then you wonder, well, I wonder, why I'm committing 2 years of my life to studying for? I wonder why He would call me to 'sit still and do nothing and waste time'. But I've been here before...this wasting time thingy...but it's the axe that needs sharpening before I go out chopping trees and wood.

Yeah...sorry that was off tangent.

But yeah...every cause seems important...and it is...to different people.

And I find myself gradually getting frustrated with trying to sort the important from the urgent, the good from the needful. It cannot be that we adopt EVERY strategy, EVERY program, do EVERYTHING people expect of us.

Truthfully, I will die in the process. And so, I shut off.

It's like choosing a guitar class. There are so many teachers, so many methods, so many schools, so many packages...why choose one particular one...when they all work?

I think in the end, it really is about stickability.

Anyhow, the topic was denominations.

Do you also realize that sometimes the old school of thought of a certain denomination working within their denomination alone is very detrimental, very skewed, very marginalizing? Yesterday we were asked to pray for the unity of a certain denomination. I don't mind praying for unity, and for goodness sakes, if a denomination is not united, then how to unite with the rest of the Christian community? But, if we ourselves as exclusive, then I have my reservations.

Yeah...I think I will chew on this a bit more.